u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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