For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
