Kareoke will never be a sober sport
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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