she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
tell me about the fingering
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