some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
