What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
