Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
how drunk are you?
Several
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
