I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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