I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
