When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
