Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
