it was like his penis was on wheels.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize