Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
