If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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