just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
