Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
