My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
