So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Randomize
