My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
