i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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