So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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