So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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