I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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