HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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