I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
