Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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