my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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