my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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