Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
