Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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