I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
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you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
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I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying