the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
