check it out our google latitudes are spooning
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
