The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
