The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
