i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
