I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
