I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Randomize
