ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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