People in love make me want to vomit
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
