If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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