no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
