I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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