Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
tell me about the eggs
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