I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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