Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
