If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
