We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Randomize
