My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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