i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
