She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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