i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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