walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
