her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
she was so not down for the gang bang
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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