My first STD was from a foam party
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
