ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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