I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
