hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
