walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You are the jesus of drinking
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
