we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Randomize
