I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
