Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
