party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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