hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Don't make out with my wife yet
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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